Thursday, October 27, 2016

Linguischtiks mishmash slang of Hebrew, Yiddish and English for beginners

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Many English words in current usage are derived, of course, from Jewish culture —“shmuck,” “schmooze,” “kvetch,” to name but a few. You might be surprised, however, to find that other words and phrases in our lexicon–terms that you might have assumed were English in origin–are also derived from Yiddish or Hebrew. Here are a few examples of these modern “English” words, along with the obscure original Jewish terminology from which they come, their original definitions, and examples of how these ancient words might once have been used in sentences two, three, or even four hundred years ago.
ABYSS – n.  (Yid. abiss) A little bit of a bottomless chasm.  “Sol just fell into abiss, he’ll be right back.  Well, maybe not right.”
BENCH – n.  (Yid. bensch) A decent human being upon whom people sit.  “My cousin Malachi, such a bensch the way he gets on all fours so we have enough seating for the seder.”
CAVORT –  vb. (Yid. kvort) To complain while frolicking merrily.  “Such fun this would be if only my back wasn’t killing me, and do they have to play the music so loud?” “Would you listen to Naomi?  Kvort kvort kvort!
CHANCRE – n.  (Yid. schanker) A sore in one’s mouth so large it brings shame to the family.  “Such a schanker!  Close your yap when we meet the rabbi!”
CHEMISE – n.  (Yid. schmeez) A jerk wearing lingerie.  “Tell your pervert girly-man brother he should put on maybe a robe.  What a schmeez!”
CUPOLA – n.  (Yid. kyupellah)  A small carnival doll sometimes unwisely used to construct domed ornamental rooftops.  “What are you nuts, building a roof out of kyupellahs?  It leaks like a sieve in here!”
DREADLOCKS – n.  (Yid. dreadlox)  Smoked salmon so old it’s growing mold long enough to braid.  “You’re gonna eat that dreadlox?  It looks like a Hassid’s face!”
FEDORA – n.  (Heb. fedorah)  Ceremonial men’s hat set afire to celebrate Hannukah.  “Hannukah, Hannukah, come light the fedorah!  We’ll have a party and —  hey!  Put out my hat!”
FISH STICK  n.  (Yid. fischtik)  Comedy routine performed with processed seafood.  “This fischstik is supposed to be funny?  Pass the tartar sauce.”
GARNISH – n.  (Yid. garnishe)  Nothing, but it’s on the side of your plate anyway.  “I order the tuna and what do I get?… garnishe!”
GONDOLA – n.  (Yid. gondellah) A small thief floating in a canal.  “Let’s take the ferry, that gondellah doesn’t look big enough to stand on.  Plus, I think he stole my purse.”
KINDLING – n.  (Yid. kindling)  Children small enough to fit in a fireplace.  “Uh-oh, we’re out of wood.  Hey, here comes some kindling…  C’mere and hold still, you!”
LATCHKEY – vb.  (Yid. lachky) To dawdle while trying to open the door.  “You want to lachkyaround all night or you want to let me in already?”
NOZZLE – n. (Heb. nazel) The act of being squirted by a hose, but it’s a lucky thing.  “Hey!  Watch where you’re pointing that… Ooo, y’know, that feels nice.  Have I got all the nazel or what?”
PSORIASIS – n. (Yid. tsuriazes)  Personal tragedy so intense one’s skin flakes off.  “So my wife dies in bed with my brother who stole the shekels I borrowed from a moneylender… such tsuriazes I got!  Sheesh, did part of my face just fall off?”
RUCKUS – n.  (Yid. ruches) Buttocks which create a noisy disturbance.  “Hey, it’s three in the morning!  Hold that ruches down, and a tunic over it wouldn’t hurt either!”
SHAMU – vb. (Yid. schmoo) To chat socially with a killer whale.  “You’re wasting your time schmooing him?  What, he’s gonna give you a job holding fish?”
SPELUNKER – n.  (Yid. spielunker)  A man who tries to promote himself or his products from inside a cave.  “No, I don’t want to buy a pick or a lantern!  Now stop hondeling me, you goddamn spielunker!”
STOCKBROKER – n. (Heb. schtochbrucha) A blessing said over one’s investment portfolio.  “And now let us say the schtochbrucha:  Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha’olam Borei peri Judean Harvester Limited.”
STOOP – vb. (Yid. schtoop) To have sex while in a crouching position.  “So you wanna schtoop?  Oh, who am I kidding, with my back?”
STRAFE – vb. (Yid. streyf) To attack from above with a bombardment of non-kosher foods.  “You want we should streyf you?  Take that!  I hope those shrimp give your whole army a pain!”
ZITS – vb. (Yid. zitz) To strike with a teenager’s face.  “If my nephew was here and I could lift him up, I’d give you such a zitz!”


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